DISCLAIMER: The Audio of this actually contains the full-fat sweary bits, so if you have sensitive ears, probably best that you just read it…
‘**** me’, said the Dragon, ‘are you completely insane?’
Alice and the Dragon were having a picnic afternoon tea – the kind of afternoon tea that typically involves at least three large gin and tonics and very little actual food. Which might have contributed, slightly, to the dragon’s bluntness.
‘There’s no way you’re going to fit all of that into three months, you must be off your blimmin’ rocker.’
Alice just sighed, and then squinted as she tried, heroically, to roll one of her eyes. She was half lying upon a pile of rather lovely velvet cushions in a sun-speckled glade, surrounded by trees. The trees were laden with pretty pink blossom and it wafted down to earth, like confetti, from time to time. This, combined with her afternoon tea, was making it really rather hard to concentrate.
‘There’s no need for that kind of language, Drag, I’ve got a plan, see?’
The Dragon made a noise that sounded halfway between a snort and a delicate belch. ’You’re a maniac, you’ve always been a maniac, and I’m not sure you’ll ever not be a maniac. Convince me otherwise.’
Alice opened the eye she’d been holding in reserve and stared icily at the twelve-foot tall blue-crested dragon lolling on the ground in front of her.
‘I might… might have been a teensy bit over-enthusiastic about what I could achieve in a specific amount of time, in the past.’ She said, ‘It might even have been said I was a little disorganised. But I’m over it. So… Not this year. This is my year of JFDIWE’.
The Dragon looked confused.
‘Just ****ing do it, with ease’. She said. ‘Catchy, isn’t it?’.
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